dead blog

Dead...(an out of point berri long post)





OKAY...



My blog is kinda dead. Hah.




Well, there are lots of events happening but I'm just too darn lazy to blog bout it. Bah...





And yes...the pissifying issue that has been irritating the hell outta me!!




You know when you are caught in a "lan-lan" situation?




Where you just ish unhappy about doing something BUT it's just not nice to decline the request?



Then have to LL do it but you know in your heart you are super pissed or buay gam buan about it...?






I HATE THIS FEELING.






I hate the obligated feeling. Like I'm obligated to do this for you...to blah blah blah...






I am not a very patient person to begin with. Most of the time, I try to be diplomatic. Sometimes, I just like to whine and get my way. And in the process of doing that...too bad if I managed to piss you off...But....I am pretty nice most of the times. Or that's what I think. And honestly, I dun give a shit if you are thinking otherwise.

Sometimes we do things that we really want to, sometimes we do things because we have to.






BUT...Life is all about choices, sometimes you have to do certain things because it seems like the right thing to do. You may be doing it willingly, or maybe not.

So.....why are there situations where you will do certain things even though you dun feel like it?

Ahh.....so if you even feel an inkling of unhappiness when you are doing it, why are you still doing it?





Reason to me...is simple.




But I dun wan to write it here. Hahah.






At the end of the day, I just HATE the LL feeling. Because, I am true to me, myself and I. I hate the feeling of being fakeo and smiling to "that" person when you totally ish angry, unhappy or what nots..

Why be so fake?





When I'm happy. I show it. When I'm not, I SHOW IT.






Yesh yesh sometimes it's all bout the diplomacy and all.......and I agree to a certain extent we have to put on that facade to certain situations...because we have to....

Like, you couldn't possibly ask your boss to f**k off cuz he just screwed you upside down for a minor issue you dun even think it's your fault. And even if you dun think it's your fault, you will just apologize...and look like you mean it...and prolly go downstairs and smoke and curse the hell outta him...






Sad truth ain't it?



Most of us are actually hiding behind a mask......




but then again...Cuz we are all but humans....






But, I do try to my best to be honest and open about my feelings.






But I learnt what honesty/openess can do to you. And after that...you just realized that most people aren't that reliable after all. Worse still, they can back stab you.




I've got my fair share of back stabbing...and then you wonder....why.....






Another sad truth?





You can only trust yourself.





Yeah I know some of you have already learnt that. For me, I trust people around me a lot. Especially friends. Call me gullible, but that's who I am.



And the sad part ish, I'm actually learning how to ermm be more cautious?...

haha but it's hard when it's kinda innate I guess. It's like you're a talkative person and i keep asking you to shut up.





Oh well, I just keep getting out of point. There's a reason why I keep failing my essays, cuz I just can't keep to the point de....



All in all, I just detest the lan lan feeling lah, especially when you take me for granted too. Sometimes there are just things that I seriously seriously dun wan....but have to lanlan lanlan wan....

It's just not that simple sometimes...




Arrrghhhh....



Pui chao nua lah...



Note: I am beginning to feel I am more forgiving towards people. but not ever the you know who lah. Kinda think it's call ageing..wahahah...